Saturday, November 19, 2011

Marriage: Does the first year have to be the hardest?

It is understood that the first year of marriage is the hardest.  There are many reasons as to why the first year is the hardest; you're combining lives, adjusting from being single to sharing everything, combining different back grounds into the same house hold, lack of open communication, etc.  Reading quotes about marriage I found most were negative or sarcastic.  Marriage, husband, and wife are usually the butt of jokes in a negative way.  I can see how newlyweds might be torn between their absolute happiness in being together and contradictions heard every day about how miserable marriage is.  I find myself being offended by those certain cheeky jokes.    
I've noticed one other aspect that isn't spoken about often; your friends and family need to adjust to your married life as well.  When I married Joseph my whole life changed for the better, but changed nonetheless.  I'm not as available to my family and friends as I was before.  Single girl aspirations and married girl aspirations were not the same for me.  Some of my single friends had a hard time understanding why I wasn't willing to participate in single people activities anymore.  Be thoughtful and know their reactions to this change is because they love you and miss you.  I woke up one morning with Joseph and our children the center of my life and our family goals are first priority now.
Marriage defined by Merriam is the state of being united to a person as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.  United is a heavy word meaning; combined into a single entity.  I love the idea of being united with Joseph as a single entity.  Marriage is very special to me, Joseph is very special to me.  Our relationship has grown into more than a contractual relationship recognized my law.  Adjusting to married life and mourning dissolutions of my past single girl life has been a journey worth taking.  I know I am blessed to be married to my best friend and will protect this union at all costs.  It is important to mourn the past but immerse yourself in the present and enjoy yourselves.
Your friend is your needs answered.  He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.  And he is your board and your fireside.  For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.  When you friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay".  And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart; for without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.  When you part from your friend, you grieve not; for that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.  And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.  For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.  And let your best be for your friend.  If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.  For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?  Seek him always with hours to live.  For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.  And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.  For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. - Kahilil Gibran.


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