Monday, October 3, 2011

Enduring and enduring well.

The subject of enduring keeps popping up in my mind.  I've had a few conversations with my husband about enduring and what it means to endure well.  I have often wondered if I endure well or just endure; there is a difference you know.  To endure is to suffer patiently or to tolerate...  The definition of enduring well doesn't have such a clear definition in my mind.  I've heard that having a good attitude while suffering means you're enduring well; which is true but I think there is more to it.  Is putting on a smile but knowing that you're suffering inside enduring well?
I feel one can endure well and express sorrow and frustration at the same time.  I also think the people who tell their stories of suffering are brave and by sharing their story offer a way for others to feel comfort knowing they're not alone in their own suffering.  By "sharing story" I'm not talking about the person who complains to simply complain; the proverbial "Debbie Downer".  :)
Driving home today I was thinking about an experience that was particularly hard for me to endure.  Six weeks after I lost my leg; when the visitors stopped coming; the phone stopped ringing and everyone had gone back to their normal lives I found myself alone and realized I wouldn't be going back to my normal life.  I felt very depressed and down and found that I had to make a decision; should I keep trying or just give up?  As I sat on the edge of my bed looking at my stump and debating in my mind what my next move would be.  I started to pray, "Heavenly Father, I've met my match.  I don't have the strength or will power to continue.  I'd be just fine to fall asleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow, thank you."  As I sat there crying starring at my leg I received an over whelming feeling and answer from Heavenly Father.  My answer wasn't a feeling of comfort or that reassuring feeling that everything will be okay.  My answer was, "Jill, what you're going through is hard and painful.  Believe me I know just how you feel.  However, you will wake up tomorrow and the next day and the day after that; so figure out a way to work through the pain and find the strength within you to endure."  I still felt frustrated and somewhat angry but I also felt an overwhelming feeling of strength and motivation to keep trying and not give up.
I have never thought Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ play an active role in our lives; such as changing the path we have chosen for our selves.  If they had such an active role in our lives what is the point of free agency?  Heavenly Father didn't swoop down that night and take my pain away.  He did however remind me of the atonement; and of Jesus Christ who died for me and suffered so that I could find comfort and peace and know that I'm not alone in my suffering.  He reminded me that I do have strength and will power, I am loved and I can endure.  There were many other hurdles to overcome after that night but I haven't felt weighed down with self doubt like that again.  While the official definition of enduring well still is unclear to me; my definition of enduring well is an individual who trusts in Heavenly Father, remembers they're not alone while suffering, and never gives up.



1 comment:

I love to read your comments!