Saturday, December 5, 2009

Things you get over and things you don't...

My first prosthesis with cool shoes....

Millee Margaret Buckway born January 3, 2008.
The holiday's are my favorite time of year. Although, I can't help but think of what my life would be like if I had Millee here. She would almost be two years old this Christmas. I picture her all the time in my head. But I don't picture her as a baby. I picture her at four or five years old with long dark curly hair. I relive those horrifying moments in the hospital all the time in my mind. People tell me I should be over that event by now but I think there are somethings you never get over, you just stop talking about them.

What's interesting to me is I'm settled with loosing my leg. But I'm not settled about loosing my baby. The two events were only 5 months apart, but don't really relate I guess. I remember the first time I put on my prosthetic leg. I was at my prosthesisist office with my mom. I could only wear my prosthesis 15 minutes at a time until my stump got used to it. Also, the nerves in my stump where so sensitive, still are. Nerves don't like to be cut I guess. The leg felt so weird on. Taking a step felt weird too. I cried, the leg was so odd and unnatural. I hated it. Now I love my leg and would die without it. Wheelchairs are not the way to go if you have a choice.

I guess there are some things you get over and some things you don't.


  1. Hi Jill, I just got caught up on your blog. You have been busy writing! I love it. I wanted to talk to you more about it this weekend. Oh well. It was fun seeing everybody even though it was just for a little while. I hope your mom tells you about the funeral. It was really good. The picture of your little one is very beautiful and humbling. She will always have a spot in your heart.

  2. You have been posting. God Bless you! Thanks for sharing yourself with us. I love your posts. You are an inspiration.

    Love you!


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