Lately this person has been telling me I need to find a way to cover
up my legs or figure out a way to wear pants because if she were in my
situation she would hate to have her one obviously handicapped leg and the
other obviously prosthetic leg showing. I think to myself, "you're
not in my situation, because if you were, you wouldn't suggest pants at
all." I also think to myself, "mind your own business, I don't
recall asking you what you think. I don't care what people think of my
legs."
Yesterday a few co-workers were asking me about my prosthetic and
suggesting ways I could paint the metal. They were asking me about
different kinds of liners and ways to cover up the liner. One gentleman
asked me what kind of design would I like if I could choose, I answered,
"this one, this is the leg I chose. I find other people care about
my leg and how it looks but I don't care."
Let's think about
this situation logically: I have a prosthetic leg; no matter how I wrap
it up, it's still going to look like a prosthetic leg. In addition I have
to care for and maintain my stump, which means taking my prosthetic off a few
times a day. These days my life is about comfort and
convenience rather than style and image.
I was born with a birth defect that affected my calf muscles; I've always
had skinny little calves and little feet. I've always walked a bit
funny. It's like my whole life I've been training for when I would lose
my leg and need a prosthetic. I'm used to being stared at; as a child I
was made fun all the time; a gentleman on a blind date once suggested I get
calf implants! I have had to resort to an attitude of not caring what
people think. I can't care because there isn't anything I can do about my
physical situation.
In my world there are two kinds of people: People who see my
situation and find my accomplishments and the way I handle myself
inspirational. These people tell me that I'm confident and they look up
to me. The other kinds of people are those who see my situation and and
how I handle myself as apathetic and think they could handle it better.
These people offer advise on how I should take care of myself and tell me
about their troubles, saying, "you're life isn't that bad." or "you
think you've got it bad, listen to what happened to me last night..."
So am I confident or am I apathetic? Confidence: Belief in
oneself and one's powers or abilities; certitude; assurance.
Apathy:
Having little or no interest or concern.
Here's the kicker (pun intended): I don't think my life is bad! I'm a very
happy person! I know that everyone has troubles they have to deal with
and my troubles aren't worse or better than anyone else's. I find myself
somewhat bothered when people start a sentence, "I shouldn't complain to
you, but...." Of course you can complain to me: I'm happy to
help or be a listening ear.
In
conclusion to my venting, rant of a blog; I'd like to think I am a confident
person but at the same time I do have to be apathetic about certain situations
in my life. I have found a balance of confidence and apathy that has
helped me cope with my life's troubles and I'm okay with that. So if you
don't like how my legs look: I really don't care. 
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