Monday, July 4, 2011

Cheers to a better life....

I have to write how thankful I am for my wonderful life today!  I know it's the Fourth of July but I feel like its Thanksgiving.  :)  I love the US!!!!  I have always been pro US, pro free thinkers, pro freedom of religion, pro freedom of press, etc...  Even though people don't like the media and journalists they are a blessing if you stop and really think about it compared to other countries.  

Most of all I'm thankful for the wonderful life I am living.  I have always said I want to live forever!  I don't want to die ever!  I love earth life, I love experiences, I love people and relationships.  I love working hard.  I have a wonderful family who has always been supportive of me.  When I say family I'm talking about my mom, dad, sister, brother, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents.  I have a huge and wonderful family.  I have always surrounded myself with wonderful friends.  Thanks goodness, cause one of those wonderful friends brought Joe to me.  Stacey Tyler doesn't know it but she has literally saved my life more than once.  Bringing Joe to me counts as one of those life saving moments.  

I've been thinking a lot about relationships given that I'm in a new relationship that is leading me to great and wonderful places.  Not just physical and healthy places but intellectual, spiritual and emotional places too.  Let me start with the physical.  I have ALWAYS had digestive problems since my operation when I was 18.  I've also learned how different relationships and stressful situations effect one's physical body.  I've always been able to keep my digestive problems under control but for the last three years I haven't been able to control anything.  When I eat I instantly get sick.  Throw up, hot flashes, double over with cramps.  I feel like I want to die and I never want to die.  I finally went to the doctor and had two tests done, an upper and lower scope.  The results came back clean.  Nothing was wrong.  At the same time I broke up with Eric.  Eric and I dated for almost three years.  Eric was a good man, just not a good man for me.  Eric was very hard on me.  I won't go into details but the relationship wasn't healthy and I was fooling myself that it was a healthy relationship trying to make it work.  But the unhealthy relationship played out through my physical and emotional health.  Emotionally I was a wreck!  Physically I was a wreck!

I'm with Joseph now, who is a wonderful man.  The kindest, sweetest, smartest man I know.  He isn't hard on me at all.  I don't get sick like I used to either.  I'm feeling better all the way around, physically, intellectually, spiritually and emotionally.  I feel like I'm getting back to Jill.  So choose your friends and partners carefully.  You never know how someone else can effect you.  Don't get me wrong I understand that ultimately ones own health is an individual choice and decision.  My personality has always been one that lets myself get deeply and completely lost in the other person.  So if I'm with the wrong person I'm in trouble right?

The same goes with work and careers.  During my most unhealthy years I worked at a very stressful place.  I have never in my life been so stressed.  I could feel myself having heart attacks everyday.  I decided to save myself and get a new job.  I took a rather large pay cut to move to a new company.  I am so thankful that I did.  I work with the most amazing people!  I love the men I work with.  They are all married and/or have children and I love listening to them talk about how much they love their wives and children.  They are a healthy bunch too.  Its weird for me to listen to men talk about diets and exercise but I'm glad they do.  I feel more motivated to get back on track.  I love Tess!  She has a sweet heart.  I see that she worries about what others think of her, which makes her fragile but still an amazing person.  She started me thinking about going back to church.  Tess mentioned to me one day at work back in January that she'd like to go back to church someday.  That got me thinking about myself.  At that time I had made the decision to never go back....
Or, had I?

I am so thankful for the strength I have.  I've naturally been a strong person on my own.  I have always been able to pull myself up by my boot straps.  My friend Stacey Tyler and I were talking one night over ice cream and she said to me, "pull yourself up by your spiritual boot straps too."  I'd never thought about spirituality that way before.  She was right, that night I went to my thinking spot by Pineview and really thought about spirituality and going back to church.  I started going back to church with Joe a couple weeks later.  I've never stopped praying and never will.  I talk to Heavenly Father pretty much all day, everyday.  Honestly I still have a hard time going to church.  I feel like I have never really been inactive and at the same time I feel like I don't belong or I don't fit the mold.  I have a very different way of thinking when it comes to religion and spirituality but that subject is for another blog...  Joe has a different way of thinking about church and spirituality too which is why I enjoy going with him.  Please understand I have NEVER had and issue with the gospel.  I have never denied the LDS religion either.  I have experienced too much for myself, I can't say that I don't believe.  I have however always had a hard time with church.  I'm dealing with it and working things out.  

Again, I'm very thankful to the wonderful friends and family I have in my life!  Without these wonderful people in my life I wouldn't be me.  I wouldn't be the Jill you all know and love. ((wink))

I haven't forgotten about Raz, he's my little hairy human friend in dog form.  I love him!


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